May

13

Well that was quick! Obviously, I should have thought this through a bit more, but here I am, gazing into that unforgiving abyss that is The Blank Page, and not even the tiniest scrap of Something Prepared.

First posts are so important, too. Like first impressions. Actually, they are first impressions. And we should always try our best to make a good first impression. Best foot forward and all. Preparation is key.

So there it goes, off into the wind like a stray duck feather in the spring breeze. My one shot at impressing you.

Which is sort of reassuring, when I think about it. Now I don’t have to worry about impressing you. I can just enjoy this generous gift bestowed upon me by the nice Baywords people, and just share my thoughts.

Hmm, let’s see. Thoughts.

Naturally, whenever the subject of thoughts comes up, the first thing I think of is Heidi and Spencer. Or Speidi, since I used “is.” I think of Speidi, because what better represents the state of thoughts in the US today?

And it occurred to me, and I probably posted something to this effect on someboard somewhere, with a nick I have already forgotten, which is something I tend to do, in the interest of full disclosure, but anyway, it occurred to me, that Speidi owes all its fame and fortune to Lauren’s willful and deliberate failure to produce a sex tape.

Think about this with me. If there really were a sex tape, would Speidi’s name be known? Would MSNBC and ilk be inviting them to the most prestigious and trashiest politician soirees? Would they now walk the golden trail that is the talk show circuit?

No, of course not, because if there were a sex tape, then the public’s attention would be firmly riveted to IT! That would be the Big Story, and nobody except avid viewers of that insipid re-enacted hybrid of reality TV and the Tropical Fish Channel would have the slightest idea who Heidi or Spencer are, Speidi is, whatever, nor would they care.

So all the hoopla, every carriage ride and trip to Kitson, every aspect of the Speidi-infested world in which we live and struggle daily to watch television, is Lauren’s fault.

Lauren did this to us on purpose.


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